[Homeroast] OT: The Loss of my Best Friend

Lynne lynnebiz at gmail.com
Sat Oct 9 15:34:18 CDT 2010


I want to thank each & every one of you for your kind, kind words, and for
sharing your own heartbreaking stories. Feeling a bit more blue today, and
it's hard to write about my sweetie. I'm going to get myself outside and
breathe in some fresh sea air, and comfort myself (and my other two doggies)
by walking our usual route.

I'm aware of the different stages of grief - I'm only watching myself not to
let the anger stage explode at my landlord and/or his
girlfriend-in-residence. Being the still-naive person I am (thought I
matured past that!) I didn't realize that when I moved in here (beautiful
location, deal was a bit lower rent to watch their dogs while on vacation),
their expectations of my responsibilities would increase as the weeks &
months went along, to the point where she wanted me to clean their twelve
room house (yep, twelve rooms - for two people?! Can't even comprehend
that...) and complained about my bed-making abilities. Yeah, call me an
idiot for even trying to help out..

Anyway, I'm not in their good measure anymore. After we came home from my
ex-husband's wake, funeral & burial that took more than 14hrs, I had a
confrontation with her (therefore referred to the Ice Queen), because we
forgot to shut the lights before we left. Yeah. Really.

I ended up calling her a bitch.

Think I shocked my kids when I told them. Def not in my nature. After all is
said & done, and I'm in a safe apt (my son won't leave me because he doesn't
feel I'm safe here alone), I'm sure this will become the story my kids tell
at all our gatherings, lol. Now I'm not walking on eggshells after Shiloh's
passing. Something about that just made me a teeny bit stronger, I think,
even though I'm crying my eyes out right now (my disability protects me from
eviction, and they know that), but I have to begin that crappy search for
yet another apartment, and oh, do I hate that, along w/actually moving.

Amazing that some people think that money gives them the right to be
downright nasty people, and makes them feel they can kick people when they
are down.

How on earth can people like that  look at themselves in the mirror?

In short, I'm hoping not to see or talk to them, because I know, feeling the
way I do, I could crack yet again! Sheesh - I don't want to make things even
worse here.

Lynne


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