[Homeroast] OT: The Loss of my Best Friend

Andy Thomas adt0611 at yahoo.com
Sat Oct 9 11:45:24 CDT 2010

You've had a rough year, Lynne. I'm sorry for all your losses.

From: Lynne <lynnebiz at gmail.com>
To: "A list to discuss home coffee roasting. There are rules for this list, 
available at http://www.sweemarias.com/maillistinfo.html" 
<homeroast at lists.sweetmariascoffee.com>
Sent: Fri, October 8, 2010 9:29:08 PM
Subject: [Homeroast] OT: The Loss of my Best Friend

Been going through a lot these days, and just feel like I need to share with
homeroast family. Please forgive me for the departure from

This year has really sucked big time (can I say that on the list? - well, it
*has*) Before
Easter, (in fact, the day before my birthday) a dear friend of mine, someone
I've known
for almost 30 yrs, passed away. (It was due to the injuries fr a car
accident - but she'd
been recently diagnosed w/Alzheimers, so it was a bittersweet blessing, of
sorts - she
didn't suffer for long). I was still in shock when I heard the news that she
had passed -
and then -

Well, then my ex-boyfriend (despite our differences, we remained friends and
spoke daily)
passed away shortly after his doctor at the VA told him they suspected he
had leukemia.
It was like the blink of an eye - leukemia is certainly lacking in kindness,
sneaking up on
people and not giving them enough time to realize what is to come...

Then a couple of wks ago, my ex-husband (who had cancer for many years)
passed on - lots
of memories, good and not-so-good, all mixed up for myself and my four
now-adult children
(amazing kids, I must say); we've felt a terrible loss there, no matter what
we'd gone through
years ago.

But the final thorn was this past week - my dear, sweet Shiloh, my pal, my
who had so many health issues for so long, took a turn literally overnight
(had no sleep, as I
stayed up with him all night long). He was part Border Collie, maybe part
Bernese Mountain dog
and maybe some retriever - and def. part human. We took him to the vet
immediately when they
opened on Wed morning - she treated him for an ear infection, but gently let
us know that she
suspected cancer. He was totally blind, she said (explained why he was
bumping into us & the
wall the night before), and she felt the source was something very serious.
He had also lost his
hearing some time before - to compensate, I was using touch to communicate &
comfort him.
When he'd have a particularly anxious night, he'd sit next to me & I'd pet
him nearly constantly
while I was at the computer, or would give him rub downs, gentle so as not
to aggrevate what
we thought was arthritis in is hind legs. I thought he was experiencing
canine cognitive dysfunction -
doggie dementia - since he was 12 1/2 yrs old, but it was much worse.

We (my son was w/me the whole time, thank heaven above, as I don't know how
I would have
handled it alone) took him home, and he was never able to stand up again,
despite his constantly

That evening, I had no choice but to make that horrible decision, since his
condition progressed
so rapidly - and he was suffering so much. At least my he's not suffering

Anyone who has ever felt close to an animal of any kind - you know.

I know I'll be fine - it'll take some time, I'm sure. Tried to prepare
myself for this, for a couple of years
now, but you know, you just can't prepare for this, no matter what. You just
have to accept.

I'm having my time crying, off and on. Tomorrow I'll get up, take my Emma
and Sammy for a walk,
then after I make my moka pot of homeroast, I'll spend some time cuddling my
two guys (guy & gal,
actually), just like I did today - and I'll thank God he brought these two
in my life.

Then I'll try to get busy, which is a darn good medicine at times like this,
so I won't notice the pain in
my heart too much.

*"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. "

Anatole France*
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